After 28 years...

Killing one bird with no stones

During the drive back from Whistler last night, I thought of an ingenius business idea that would be lucrative and would greatly benefit end consumers while taking away fat profits from corporate bigwigs.  I soon realized, however, that it already exists, and it's called a junkyard.  If you were waiting for a groundbreaking revelation from my months of online hiatus, I'm sorry to have disappointed you with that.

This of course wasn't nearly as cool as what happened on the way back from my Whistler trip last month when something black and fuzzy hit my windshield as I was disobeying the local 80km/h limit north of the border.

Myung:  Dude, that was a bird!
Gemma:  <gasp>
Me:  Dudes...look at my rear windshield!
Myung:  OMG, that's gross!  (To his credit he didn't actually say "Oh-Em-Gee".)
Gemma:  Ewwwww!  Guuurrrrooooosss!!
Me:  Oh man, that is so rad!

What I can only assume was a sparrow happened to swoop too close to my windshield.  At that point, with my extensive knowledge of physics, I can interpolate that the bird bounced off at an angle of reflection equal to the angle of incidence relative to the normal on the glass.  As it set its new course upwards, in its path was the tip of my snowboard steadily mounted on my roof rack.  Death came swiftly for Chirpy (I've named him posthumously) as his head and abdomen were quickly and cleanly divorced from the bottom half of his prominent, grey-feathered keel bone, which traveled underneath the body of my board, only to find a temporary anemometric doldrums in the airpocket on top of the rear windshield.  And that's where I noticed it in my oversized rear view mirror, feet and tail and lower digestive tract and all, floating like a bumblebee over a nest of fresh pollen in the springtime.

Myung reached for his camera at my morbid urgings, but by the time he was ready to capture this momentous occasion to share for generations to come, Rpy (Chirpy's second half) flitted away with the uneven drafts.  Now, all that's left to remember him by are the minute splatterings of avian hemoglobin on my and Gemma's snowboards which I refuse to wash off to this day.

Happy Valentine's Day!

August 15-22, 2005:  World Youth Day - Cologne, Germany

Update:  Captions!

Ben and I posing for JCrew

I told everyone that I flirted with her just to get a "Brasil" bracelet, but it was clearly the other way around.

Peter being Peter.  If you look closely at the Pope John Paul II Mosaic, you can find me.

If you stand under the statue, and St. Christopher isn't looking at you, that's the day you're going to die. 
If he's winking at you, you win a free Slurpee.

The golden box behind us has the remains of the 3 wise men.  The three in front?  Not so wise.

German taxi driver guy got pissed when he figured out I just wanted the picture and he wasn't getting any Euros from me.

I went to Germany to find out that Portugal is a beautiful place.

President of Germany (on the screen):  My hump...my hump my hump my hump!  My lovely lady lumps!

The Official Benedikt XVI Bier confirms that the Catholic church is okay with booze!

Sabina, the hottest chocolate factory tourguide ever.  Johnny Depp, a distance second.

God playing foosball with humans.

They weren't impressed when I told them how many times I saw Braveheart.

Nataly wasn't tall enough to play Jenga.

Being in this picture with me wasn't enough for Sarah.

She had to go and do this.

Can you tell which Koreans are from Germany?  Neither can I.

German Photographer: Alright, now you're choking her cuz she likes that, good good!

Ben had no fear busting out the bunny ears on the locals.

And on me.

Father Eugene:  When was your last confession?   Me:  I think about three beers ago.

Amazingly, Lawrence can actually play all three guitars at once.

Me:  OMG, check out that chord!  Will:  I know, I'm the one doing it!
(This awesome picture was taken by Sarah Gahng.)

Halloween 2005:  GET SOME's Revenge

All I wanted was some friends in costumes to keep me company while I handed out candy to kids.  Word of mouth went insane and the following is what we ended up with. 

First the decor:

A tip for you aspiring pumpkin carvers out there:  Carving 10 days before Halloween = Mold O' Lanterns.  And Poor Fred was asking for it.

Cast of Characters:

The hosts:  Pius as Judo Master Pivs and me as Barry the Squeegee Beggar Guy

Despite their denials, Ashley, Gemma, Shinae and Soyoun's costumes all came in packages labeled "Sexy ____"

Tae Kwon Do Chandler and Army Brat Diana (my Japanese-made lens wasn't built to handle tall white guys with raised arms)

Albert and Jaeram as Jake and Elwood

And of course, Sang as Tyrone Biggums who won my award for in-character person of the night.

No matter what was going on, he stayed dedicated to his crackhead craft.

Chillin' on a beanbag?  Not without the itch.

Ballers Sook and Jane before they royally snapped.

80's Teeny-Bopper Helen and John the Pelvis-Swinging-Bear-Face-Guy.

We were having a good time eating some food and drinking some sodas...then they started coming in droves:

Phil the Toga Birthday Boy

I don't know these people.

John "I-Suck-At-Costumes" Moon and Bunny Ears Winkster.

I don't know Ref 69 either.

Pius making Incredible Hulks as Sang's character remains unbreakable.

Sook and Jane decide to turn my living room into their own bump-and-grind dance studio:

Here's Sook teaching Pius some of her more refined classical dance moves.

Let's recap:

"Milk the Cow"

"The Sprinkler"

And Sang's own "Crackhead Scratch"

Meanwhile here's a sneak peak at what "Frank the Tank" was instigating in the basement.  Unfortunately, B-Boy Francis was too busy shoving beers down people's throats, and wasn't captured by my camera in his fro-riffic glory except for in that video.

Afterwards, I must've thought there was some kind of stupid face contest because I was deep in competition:

CJ a.k.a. "I am fob, what is the Halloween?" showing the effects of being away in the army for 2+ years.

In my defense, I was actually trying to look stupid unlike Albert.

This was after I totally went out and squeegeed Helen's windshield only to get no tip.

Eventually, people stole my pantyhose do-rag and passed it around which was probably a good sign I was drunk.  Another good sign would be the scrapes and bruises from taking two huge spills on the kitchen floor, of which I can only recall one.

In the end, some 30+ people ended up coming, of which I knew maybe half.  We gave out candy to only about 15 kids, but I think we easily eclipsed the alcohol amount of 2 weeks prior.  I actually managed to stay conscious until the last guests left, at which point, Pius, Francis and I went down to the basement for one last beer bong before bed.  I don't remember my dreams that night, but I bet they were sweet.

If you guys have any other pictures from that night, let me know and I'll put them up.

GET SOME (The Frank-the-Tank Remix)

Word.